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Showing posts from August, 2016

April 13, 2016 at JPPM

Image
Emotion overwhelmed me suddenly,
While eating on a bench by the sea.

There next to me was a heron
Standing proudly
While eating on a rock by the sea.

He was me.

My connection restored my peace.

The waves are me
The sand is me
We move
We stay
We exist
We change...
I could feel the past in me
The Natives fishing by the sea
I could feel the future before me
Time was gone because
Time is wrong
We exist eternally

Social Anxiety

It's not the going that does it
Not the performance
Or the gulping down painful flexes of heart and throat
That foreshadow my future.

It's not the interaction that does it
I fare well in those.
I'm witty and funny, respectful and endearing

It's the after that does it
When I'm alone and still

And can finally feel

And the reel hits rewind

And I see myself

Exaggerated
Awkward and out of place
Tripping on words
Misinterpreting, interrupting, sweating
Acting a fool
Never shutting up
And I hate this tape
But it's already made
I hit rewind
And I hit play

Rewind and play... can't
Rewind and play... stop
But, no it's not the them that does it,

It's always been me.
Wrongfully assuming I can see how they see.

Untitled - April 7th, 2016

What would happen if I wrote
Just sat here and let the ink flow.
Shapes of letters becoming words on pages...
What would be said?
What's in my head?
"Be brave" she said
Again?!
What's so brave about this?
Impermanence
Why when thinking of life's shortness
Do I yield to fear and not
Fearlessness

Minimize, minimal, temporary, temporal
Time is brief, short, struts and frets
It should be empowering to realize it
But I can't
I see time as a death sentence,
My life as a struggle to overcome myself.
I want to be liberated from the responsibility
Of becoming worthwhile in the blink of an eye.

Who is this who owns me?
The biggest bullies are within.

"Be brave" she said
So I publish it.