This is My Forties

In 2013 I was given an amazing gift.  I found a friend who introduced me to new ideas and perspectives, who had been through her own problems and understood how to get better.  I started seeing a therapist.  The first day of therapy I was given 2 simple tasks that sent me into anxiety attacks.  I have used them on a yearly basis ever since!  Here's what they are and what I do with them. 1. The VIA survey of character strengths test that I have taken every year to assess who I think I am, how it has changed, and if I'm seeing myself honestly.  I have also given it to my kids so that I can know how they see themselves and how to better support them.  The site is free and they store all your past tests for you.  There are tons of other questionnaires on the site that are helpful as well.  All from the emerging field of positive psychology. If I feel like I'm fine with my top 5 and bottom 5 I know I am doing well.   If I feel ...

creativity [kree-ey-tiv-i-tee, kree-uh-] 1. the state or quality of being creative. 2. the ability to transcend traditional ideas, rules, patterns, relationships, or the like, and to create meaningful new ideas, forms, methods, interpretations, etc.; originality, progressiveness, or imagination 3.the process by which one utilizes creative ability I noticed I haven't been taking many photos or writing as much as I used to (especially now that I'm in college).  Well... I have issued myself a challenge to remedy that since I know how important creative outlets are to my mental health.  Starting on October 1st I am going to create at least one thing every day: photograph, sketch, poem, prose, painting, sculpture, spoken word, music, wood burning, journal entry, a hypothesis, invention, an original idea... it doesn't matter what it is as long as it wouldn't have existed if I hadn't brought it to fruition.  A creation. My goal is to just keep on going.  I'm s...

I am hoarding negative thoughts.  I call it hoarding because that's exactly what it is.  If you've ever watched "Hoarders" you know what I'm talking about.  These people live in piles of trash that make them miserable, but they just can't let go of them... because they have come up with one good reason to keep every single piece of filth and that is the only thing that matters.  Their health doesn't matter.  Their families don't matter.  Their comfort and happiness don't matter.  They cannot let go of any of it because it's helping them hide, but they think they're keeping it because it's all useful.  They are trapped in a delusional state, which is making them miserable.  Logically they know they need to change something, but the self-denial, defensiveness, and anger is stronger than logic. Over the past few years I have actually rid myself of tons of trash, but there is still more!  It's the really old stuff at the bottom, the v...

So, as you can tell from my last couple posts we've been having quite a time out here.  I'm notorious for diving into my subconscious and emotions.  I dig and prod to find deeper meaning in practically everything that happens to me or around me.  I even self-analyze the shows I watch, the foods I want to eat, what I choose to wear, what I want to read... and I have to admit, I've learned a whole hell of a lot since I started my hyper self-awareness.  Here's what I found out. We do so many things every day without realizing that little messages are trying to make their way inside to help us handle what we have to face.  Tons of tiny hints are being given to alert us to our inner problems and solutions and we're acting on these things as if by magic.  We're doing it blindly like we're hypnotized and god's somewhere in there screaming HEY!!!!  LOOK!!!  I want to binge watch "The Office" again... why?  Who am I relating to?  Why now? ...