This is My Forties

Thought I would share this on here since I've shared it with at least 3 people individually at this point.  I've been working on  establishing and maintaining healthy personal boundaries  so any instance in my life where I have unhealthy boundaries have been really obvious.  Still not great at dealing with those instances, but I'm getting better all the time.  While I'm working, this keeps popping up at different times to illustrate my inter/intra-personal communication cycles that need to be broken. https://www.karpmandramatriangle.com/ The hardest part for me has been recovering from taking responsibility for everyone's emotional state.  I would feel immense pressure to involve myself in other peoples' triangles, thinking I had to play the mediator role.  I would get intense feelings of anxiety, thinking about their expectations of me to fix their relationship... or feel it was my duty to point out if I saw an issue (without ever being asked o...

In 2013 I was given an amazing gift.  I found a friend who introduced me to new ideas and perspectives, who had been through her own problems and understood how to get better.  I started seeing a therapist.  The first day of therapy I was given 2 simple tasks that sent me into anxiety attacks.  I have used them on a yearly basis ever since!  Here's what they are and what I do with them. 1. The VIA survey of character strengths test that I have taken every year to assess who I think I am, how it has changed, and if I'm seeing myself honestly.  I have also given it to my kids so that I can know how they see themselves and how to better support them.  The site is free and they store all your past tests for you.  There are tons of other questionnaires on the site that are helpful as well.  All from the emerging field of positive psychology. If I feel like I'm fine with my top 5 and bottom 5 I know I am doing well.   If I feel ...

Josh and I met because we were destined to meet.  We were laughing the other day about our circumstances beforehand.  What clueless kids we were!  I was pissed off for being assigned to Spanish. I was better than that, capable of far greater challenges, completely devastated by this silly little existence.  Josh was re-classed from SERE school (AF special forces) into munitions and he was pissed off for being undervalued and having his talents wasted, devastated by this silly little existence.  We thought we were so damned amazing.  Of course we had to be together.  We had to teach each other lessons about how we fail miserably and how we can succeed.  I already knew all these things about myself, but I never recognized their power to destroy or maintain a relationship.  Your personality is like a toolbox... if you use the tools correctly you get the job done, but if you try to saw wood with a screwdriver you're in for a lot of pain and frust...