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Showing posts with the label healing

The Expectation to Suppress Joy

People talk a lot about suppressing anger ( including myself ) and how harmful it can be.  I think it's equally harmful to suppress joy , and that's not something we often hear about.  One of the issues I see is that as a society we have decided "negative" emotions have more value than "positive" ones.  Some say it's a product of our brain's ability to empathize with pain more easily than with happiness, but I think it could be the biological responding to our environmental cues.  Empathy is a social belief we teach as part of our culture to promote kindness and compassion.  Problem is, empathy can also be taught through guilt and shame ( muting pride and self-esteem  is holy), which solves one problem by creating another.  Let me give you some examples of expected harmful behaviors that will show you what I mean. A friend is going through a divorce and you purposely don't talk about your great marriage in their presence so as not to "rub...

Exploration of Self: Boundary Development Tools

In 2013 I was given an amazing gift.  I found a friend who introduced me to new ideas and perspectives, who had been through her own problems and understood how to get better.  I started seeing a therapist.  The first day of therapy I was given 2 simple tasks that sent me into anxiety attacks.  I have used them on a yearly basis ever since!  Here's what they are and what I do with them. 1. The VIA survey of character strengths test that I have taken every year to assess who I think I am, how it has changed, and if I'm seeing myself honestly.  I have also given it to my kids so that I can know how they see themselves and how to better support them.  The site is free and they store all your past tests for you.  There are tons of other questionnaires on the site that are helpful as well.  All from the emerging field of positive psychology. If I feel like I'm fine with my top 5 and bottom 5 I know I am doing well.   If I feel ...