Water is for Losers, Coffee is for Winners

When the temperatures are dropping and winter starts rearing its ugly head I start hating water.  I can drink water all summer long and it tastes like a miraculous beverage created by God and his choir of chemistry geniuses.  In winter I feel like I'm drinking medicine brewed by evil goblins that are jealous of human taste buds.  Yeah, I know I'm supposed to have 10 glasses of water a day but it's just so... blech :P  Know what's awesome though?  Coffee.  Hot, delicious, diuretic, dehydration-causing coffee.  It warms me to my core, stops me from snacking all day long to put on winter weight, and it tastes of sunshine and rainbows and unicorns and miracles and fairy dust.  You can imagine why this would become a problem.  Every morning I wake up with swollen hands & feet and aching joints because I'm dehydrated and packed with sodium.  All which could be assuaged by drinking water, but... gross.  Why would you even suggest that to me.  Offensive.  Man... I wish we had IV's lying around.  I'd totally get stabbed by an IV and sit on the couch in a snuggie watching Medium while my heart drinks water for me.  That to me is far more appealing than swallowing this tasteless necessary evil.  Maybe I'll just make a butt ton of hot raspberry tea.  That's not a diuretic!  Oh snap... plans.

So, I told myself that today I will only have ONE cup of coffee and only after I drink 3 glasses of water first (you know, so I can pee it all out within seconds... don't TMI me, it's common knowledge!).  I'm on my third glass because I decided to count the glass of orange juice I had.  My caffeine addiction headache is beginning.  It starts with me not being able to stop clenching my teeth together.  Then it begins feeling like the backs of my eyeballs are being stabbed.  Then I don't know because I feed my addiction immediately, but I'm sure it's not pleasant.  Three gulps to go.  TO THE KITCHEN!!!  It's coffee time!  And then water time again yaaaaay.

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