15 December 2015

I wrote these some time ago for myself and never planned to share them, but I keep getting signs that I'm supposed to do just that.  They aren't great.  They aren't my best, but I needed to write them to help with the loneliness of dealing with loved ones with mental health issues.  Two out of the many many I've written over the years.  I think a lot of the times when I've felt overwhelmed it's my "inner child" that comes out so anything I write is simplistic and clumsy, but still me.  She wants to be heard!  I'm done feeling embarrassed by the writing.  And... it's good therapy.

So, to whoever is out there reading I hope you get something out of these.  You aren't alone.  You aren't crazy for still being here.  You are amazing.  They are getting better.  You are NOT completely screwing everything up.  Even if they can't acknowledge it at times, you are appreciated.  They love you and need you.  Keep fighting.  Keep loving.  Remember to take care of yourselves so you can keep going with them... so you can be strong enough to fight them when you know they need it.  Be strong enough to stay when they tell you to leave.  So you can pull yourselves out of the depressions and anxiety instead of getting stuck with them in hell.  Be Samwise and take that ring up Mount Doom with them.  Be Hermione and find all those horcrux's with them.  This is an epic battle.  You will win together.  Help them take that first terrifying step and every one after that.



"The Pit"

While walking I came upon a child who had fallen into a pit
No one else around to help him
Alone and afraid I couldn't abandon him
So I stayed with him at night when he cried
I tossed tools down to keep him alive

I couldn't stay forever of course
I had to take care of myself
Ripping myself away from him
To eat, to live, to play
Felt like a sin
So many times I almost fell in
Many times I wondered why me
Many people judged me as weak
Because I wouldn't leave

But, my life's not for them

Whenever I could be
I dared be there
Staring at the darkness
To a boy trapped somewhere

I was there as he grew
Taller and stronger
Braver, more capable
The years became decades
He became a man
And finally was able to leave that pit
Then together we filled it in
He climbed those walls on his own
And that was always the goal.

I don't regret living half a life by a pit
The boy, the man was worth it
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