This is My Forties

Don't let yourselves be fooled by your brains' desires to believe what you already want (aka confirmation bias ).  Here's a checklist, with an emphasis on scientific articles, you can use until you get the hang of spotting journalistic red flags . Does the article mention specific names and dates when referencing scientific studies?   Articles that refer to everything as "studies" and "scientists" aren't being forthcoming with their information because they likely have none.  Articles that try to use science to justify their own beliefs often use this tactic to keep you from performing investigative work, hoping you'll just take their word for it ... don't!  Example:  Studies Prove How Human Emotions Shape Physical Reality Are there citations at the end of the article or within the article?   If not, move on... articles that don't site their references likely either have no references or are hiding their questionable references.  Al...

On my last birthday I decided to do another "365 Challenge" where I take and upload at least one photo every day.  I managed to come through the year having only missed 7 days!  DANG!!!  That's pretty impressive in my opinion :)  I think for my next challenge I will attempt to do a photo + blog every day... and I'm thinking of coupling it with my upcoming year-long fellowship.  We shall see.

People talk a lot about suppressing anger ( including myself ) and how harmful it can be.  I think it's equally harmful to suppress joy , and that's not something we often hear about.  One of the issues I see is that as a society we have decided "negative" emotions have more value than "positive" ones.  Some say it's a product of our brain's ability to empathize with pain more easily than with happiness, but I think it could be the biological responding to our environmental cues.  Empathy is a social belief we teach as part of our culture to promote kindness and compassion.  Problem is, empathy can also be taught through guilt and shame ( muting pride and self-esteem  is holy), which solves one problem by creating another.  Let me give you some examples of expected harmful behaviors that will show you what I mean. A friend is going through a divorce and you purposely don't talk about your great marriage in their presence so as not to "rub...

"Truth is not a thing, it is a constantly shifting balance of multiple interconnected realities. It is ever-changing, cyclically-building, interdependent, and infinite in nature." (Allison Burnett, 2019) Found this in my journal.  I don't remember being this insightful!  Sometimes I write things in the present that end up inspiring my future self.  I have quotes on my wall that I swap out once in awhile, and I haven't had quotes from others in a really long time.  Years.  I think that's pretty cool.  I started out with quotes from others, and now I inspire and motivate myself.  This is me and this is where I am.  My current quote wall: One object at a time.  One layer at a time.  One room at a time Growth mindset from classroom.  To closed system lab.  To practical application. All were inspired by my own life and the realizations I had from my experiences :)  For anyone who doesn't know what " growth mindset " is, ...

Some days he walks away And anything that felt good before Turns to shit at the door Unfairly canceled out by Something That actually means Nothing My body won't agree My body feels betrayed By his responsibility ...................................... to leave me "He has to leave" I tell it "He'll be back" "He'll be the same" She disagrees Completely In my temples and behind my eyes I feel those saline pools Gathering for an appearance "STOP" my mind scolds "Shut that damn door" My body is in disbelief She's in desperate need She feels the sting of loneliness For 38 months All at once Like Ms Oliver told us The soft animal of my body Doesn't separate causes from effects A broken bone is broken nonetheless Biology is reactive and unreasonable It's Pavlovian It's conditioned to be what it's trained to be Through experience It makes no sense She feels the same as she...

I believe our old views of balance as a linear teeter-totter model are flawed.  I think real balance happens in a trinity/triad/triangle.  If you really think about it, we already knew that anyway.  Think of that teeter totter model again.  What else do you need for balance?  The fulcrum and the system itself (the platform).  Move the fulcrum or the platform and what happens?  You have to re-balance.   Balance doesn't mean the sides are equal; balance is not equality !  The universe will always be in balance.  No matter what you do.  There are limits and laws and they will be followed whether or not you understand/acknowledge/believe them.  Balance is a constant shifting to maintain equilibrium within a system . That's what balance really looks like.  There are laws and limits, but almost endless variation... like pi .  The amount of complexity increases to infinity, but is defined by constants.  All trian...

Thought I would share this on here since I've shared it with at least 3 people individually at this point.  I've been working on  establishing and maintaining healthy personal boundaries  so any instance in my life where I have unhealthy boundaries have been really obvious.  Still not great at dealing with those instances, but I'm getting better all the time.  While I'm working, this keeps popping up at different times to illustrate my inter/intra-personal communication cycles that need to be broken. https://www.karpmandramatriangle.com/ The hardest part for me has been recovering from taking responsibility for everyone's emotional state.  I would feel immense pressure to involve myself in other peoples' triangles, thinking I had to play the mediator role.  I would get intense feelings of anxiety, thinking about their expectations of me to fix their relationship... or feel it was my duty to point out if I saw an issue (without ever being asked o...