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July

Josh has been gone a lot and I keep telling myself it's silly to be sad.  He's just right over in Virginia, it's only for a week or two.  We've done this for far longer.  Stop it.  Stop it.  Stop it.  So, I started getting depressed and I tend to binge watch reality TV when that happens.  Hoarders sucked me in this time.  Then suddenly I realized parallels.  I have turned some of my emotions into hoarders.  I might not have walls of trash everywhere, but I have a million excuses why I won't allow myself to be sad or why I should be afraid of something or not trust someone.  Why I need to keep control.  It's all happening in my mind.  "This is still good, I can't throw it out... I had plans for it"... and it just hit me like a flash (while I was in the tub, of course).  So I wrote about what I felt.  Then I stopped thinking myself out of it and let myself be sad and cry about Josh being gone.  I feel much much better now.  Not depressed at all.  Still sad, but that's not depression... sad fades in and out, but depression sinks its teeth and claws into you.  I'm sad Josh isn't here, and I think that's a good thing.

29/Jul/2015

"Hoarding"

Make room, she said
For anger, sadness, and fear
Allow them
Feel them
They have their place
Like hunger and thirst
Or physical pain
They tell stories
They have reasons

Let your symptoms speak
Let them scream and cry
And stomp their feet
Throw their fits
Beat their chests
Curse you and your god

Give them space

Accept them
Acknowledge them
Respect them
Show your love
But don't bend to their will
Show them they're valued
Gain their trust
Or they'll never be honest

The goal is to hear truth
Not to tell fear what it's thinking
Or sadness its motives
Or to control anger
They have to tell you
Don't put words in their mouths
Ask questions they have to answer

Then listen
Then love
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