"Oh My God"

July 22, 2015

Trying to describe what god is to me is like
Trying to remember a dream the moment I awaken
The harder I try, the more it fades
Until I find the balance between conscious and not
Just read the emotions and the glimpses
Without active thought
Then some comes back to me
Enough to understand the message

Or it's like
When a smell brings on a memory
It's never one thing specifically
It's the concept of it, the feelings it contained
I smell and remember the summer of 1992
Grandma's kitchen in Warren
My Dad on a Sunday
My Mom's house at Christmas
I just have to let it wash over me
It's instant and all-consuming
It doesn't run slow like a movie
And it's only mine

That's how god feels to me
It's that glimpse, that memory
So deeply profound and personal
From the innermost folds of my mind
And I can't begin to convey its worth

God isn't an individual or an entity for me
It's an experience, too big to explain, impossible to contain
Like that memory, but further and deeper
And I can feel it
When I look at a sunset or a storm
When I read a book
See a tree or a mountain
A waterfall or the ocean's waves
When I hear a song
Or see someone's art
Attend a wedding or a funeral
Find a new friend
Use my pen

For this tiniest of moments I understand it all
Feel it all
Because it's mine and it was written for me
By me
To me
Through every thing
No gaps, no time, just a flash
Infinite connections spanning lifetimes
..........
Damn
I lost it again