and so begins the blessed day off

Noah was a lot better this morning so I shuttled him on over to daycare. I refuse to go back to sleep. I want as much self time as I can get. I think I am going to get back into my car and just drive. There's a lot that needs done. The house is a mess. I need to make a dr. appt. for Noah. The car needs a tune up, tire rotation and oil change pretty badly. I want to go over to Security Service Federal Credit Union and start putting money into savings there. Will I do any of this? I don't know. Right now the only thing I'm up for is taking movies back to hollywood. All I know is I really don't want to be in the house. So... why am I here, you ask. Well, I needed to grab more cigs from the freezer. I think maybe if I do some productive things I'll feel better. I feel rather blah today.

I've been missing Josh a lot lately. I feel like I am constantly on the verge of tears. Songs make me want to cry. TV makes me want to cry. Noah makes me want to cry. The internet, the webcam, writing letters, being at home, trying to sleep, driving past the airport, taking a shower. Even tiny moments of happiness make me a little sad... not during, of course, but immediately afterwards. He's not here to be happy with me... it just makes everything a little less happy. Especially anything having to do with Noah. He turned 17 months old yesterday. I went to Starbucks this morning and all I could think about was backgammon, music, laughing, talking... Josh. I thought: wonder what Josh and I would do with this day off (besides each other hahaha).

Time for some new thoughts. The weather's shitty, looks like rain. I'm probably not going to go check out the ranch today. Plus, if something happens with Noah I want to be able to get back rather quickly. Anyway... I'm outta here. I think I will go to the bank. Saving money and making plans for the future makes me happy. Future is looking great. Present is OK with a chance of good. Past was mostly suck with a chance of ok and lots of gut-wrenching catalysts for change.

I love you, baby :) 71 more days!

Comments

Nerdular said…
I was listening to this song in the car today while I was sitting still for 20 minutes because of construction (BLAH!)... but anyway, it made me think of you guys.

http://www.lyricsdownload.com/ours-red-colored-stars-lyrics.html

You should download that album (Ours - Precious). I think you'd like it.
1/16/2006 12:11 PM
josh said…
keep focus on the future babe... im glad you are getting the day for whatever you feel lke you need or want to do... sorry im not there to help with the cleaning.
i love you
1/16/2006 4:12 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Still Happy!! HOORAY!!

Image
We're still going strong with our happiness levels out here. Yesterday was a little bit rough because Tristan was especially whiney, but today was amazing :) We got our grocery shopping done and even managed to have fun doing that! Noah and I were singing Christmas songs already while Tris and Bren laughed at us. Tristan sometimes piped in with a "all the way" when we were singing Jingle Bells. Noah was cracking up when I sang him the Batman version :D After all that excitement the 2 wee ones went down for their naps and Noah and I gave Bosley a bath with his new tea extract shampoo. He looks and smells so wonderful now :) He was in such a good mood after that too! Noah made a concoction of plum leaves, olives, dirt, and paper which he called "olive a cado". While he was doing his own grocery shopping I was taking some macro shots with my new focus point knowledge. I'm very happy. I thought I loved my camera before! Anyway... We also built a littl...
Read more

Almost Doesn't Count

Image
We almost ended up with a puppy today. An adorable baby Jack Russell Terrier mix wandered into our yard. He was very sweet, laid back, flea-ridden, dirty, cute, a little broken, good temperament, un-fixed, and very very good with Noah and Emma. I asked the neighbors about him and they showed me where the owner lived. She took him inside and told me how he's driving her crazy because he chews through collars and gets out of the yard (which is because he's a puppy and not an outside breed). She mentioned possibly getting rid of him. Lo and behold he wandered back into our yard not too long after that... interesting. I wanted to adopt him because he was unwanted, but shouldn't have been. He was a very sweet dog. I would have called him Jackie I think :) This brings me to a rant. I know I've posted about the way people around here treat their pets. This is a perfect example. This lady didn't want the puppy anymore so she simply let it go. No collar, no tags...
Read more

Project 365: Jan 16 - 20

Image
Tuesday, January 16th - more snow and a cotton candy sunset. It wasn't much, but the ice beneath and timing of the snow itself  meant a snow day for the kids! Now that they're teenagers, that precious time is spent catching up on sleep, which makes working from home pretty easy for me. Wednesday, January 17th - the morning light changes throughout the year as the earth moves around the sun. In winter, it peeks in through my living room window and spotlights the entertainment center in warm light.  Thursday, January 18th - Braved the inch of ice on the ground to attend a legislative reception in Annapolis with my coworkers/friends. We spent the day networking, laughing, and planning to save our little section of the Chesapeake Bay watershed here in Southern Maryland. Friday, January 19th - Jug Bay snow day!!! The weather report called for snow to begin falling as school was supposed to just be getting started, so they announced cl...
Read more