Five Questions

I've been religiously reading Rants From Mommyland for a month now and this last post had my head spinning with my own questions.  So... here we go.  Five questions for my beloved boys.

1.) Why is it that as soon as the phone hits my ear you go into a major meltdown?  God forbid I talk to an adult for any stretch of time while in your presence.  Most of my friends have grown accustomed to the background screaming, but I tire of having to lock myself in the bathroom to make a business related phone call, which really makes the screaming worse anyway and includes the added bonus of door pounding.  I don't understand why I have to hold your hand or hug you just because I'm on the phone.  It makes no sense.

2.) Why do I have to order you to relieve yourselves when we're at home, but as soon as we get to a store... no no... as soon as we get as far away from the bathroom in the store you suddenly have to "go" or you'll explode?  I have made you utilize the facilities before we leave every time, but still you manage to produce mass quantities of waste during the drive from home to store.  While we're on the subject, Mommy is tired of having to hover in her own bathroom when she doesn't feel like wiping the seat down for the billionth time.  We leave the seat UP... how do you get dribble all over it anyway?!

3.) You're not going to eat candy for breakfast.  Why do you still ask EVERY DAY and then throw a fit when I say No for the quadrillionth time?!  You're also not going to eat candy after dinner if you didn't eat your dinner... please stop asking ::sigh::

4.) What is it about potty training that apparently magnetizes your winky to be constantly stuck to your hand? All day long "Stop grabbing your pee-pee!!!  Do you have to go to the bathroom?!  Then STOP!".  As soon as the diapers go away and the underwear comes out they just can't let them go.  I've had moments when I was sure there was a rash involved for no one would grab that much unless something was seriously wrong.  Nope... and no amount of parental involvement seems to stop the madness.  Also, why is it that TV-watching seems to aggravate the situation?  Is this a boy code or something?  TV on, hand on junk.

5.) Why do afternoon snacks end up all over the floors?  Why do you need the plate in front of you and not your brother... you can all reach it.  Why does it matter?  Why is this worth having a back-arching blood-curdling scream fit followed by a brawl?  You are not wild animals and apples with cheese aren't a fresh kill during the dry season.

That's it for now... fun fun fun :)
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