This is My Forties

Hopefully the Army really is going to make some improvements. I would love to be able to take Noah on base and have one day out with free childcare like once a month. Their approach is help, not punishment which is great. This is a difficult thing to admit, but I know it's true. I am guilty of neglecting Noah sometimes. There have been times I left the TV on all day and pretty much ignored him. I've snapped at him. I've yelled at him or spanked him over dumb things that would normally be cute to me. I've thought about doing much worse, but have never crossed the line and I'm thankful I've been able to restrain myself. It's scary to know how much emotion can take over good sense. I don't think I'm a bad mom. I think I've had about all I can take. I think that Noah is being deprived of the mom I can be. I'm capable of so much better. It's just too hard. Why am I admitting this on a public blog? Because someone somewhere will r...

I've been trying to destress over here. I was ordered by Joshua that the only things I am allowed to worry about are myself, the baby, Noah and our health. No house issues, no moving, no leave, no painting, bugs, termites, lawn, cleaning, selling... all the other crap. He wasn't too pleased that I was asked to go back for another baby appointment 2 weeks earlier than normal. I honestly believe that doctor was just overcautious. She thought Noah was going to choke on a plastic glove he was trying to blow up like a balloon. It would take a tremendous amount of effort for him to be able to choke on something that large. Anyway... here's my tribute to "Pregnant Life Without Josh: what I have to forget about". For now the out of control lawn and the paint cans all over the place will serve as toys. Today I had one of my prenatal massages and I think the best part was talking to someone new. My shoulders are KILLING me. I apparently was extremely tense (DUH). ...

Noah and I will take a nap together in my bed if I plan to take one too. Otherwise, he'll sleep in his bed and I will attend to whatever issues need attending. Lately I don't care what needs attended to, I nap. Today was no different. I always wake up before he does. ALWAYS DOES NOT APPLY TO CHILDREN! :P We laid down at 2. By 2:30 I was starting to drift off and I thought Noah was too. He may have fallen asleep... I don't know because I was definitely out for the count. It's now 4pm and Noah is up and yelling at me that he needs a new diaper. Oh my gentle jeebus. He's standing by my bedside, naked, slightly smelly, trying to climb back up. NO!!!! I'm getting up. Wait. He runs off and I catch a glimpse of brown streaks along his back and arms. Oh dear God. He's trying to straddle a diaper and put it on himself in the hallway. Noah, just stop! You can't do it alone let me help you. Go get a pull-up! OK, Mommy! Pull-up YEAH! I POOPED...

I went for my 8mo baby appointment today. I got a little bit of "we're worried about you" lecture on my asthma, fundal height, and depression screening. I haven't gained any weight. I measured at 30cm and I should be at 32cm or more (fundal height / tummy size). I admitted that my asthma was worse at night and that I sometimes will just deal with it instead of taking the albuterol because it makes me all jumpy and then I can't sleep. I also admitted to feeling stressed and depressed about our situation and other things. I admitted that I have at one point or another thought about hurting myself (aka punching a wall or getting into a fight with someone). I'm not suicidal, people... geeze. I'm just angry. They're all concerned now so I have to go back in 2 weeks. That's what I get for being honest! They offered me counseling and I turned it down because there's honestly no point to it at all. I've been to counseling before, while Jo...

I never shared Noah's birth story so I figured I would before I have me another bebe :) My labor started on Friday the 13th after work. It was literally right at 4pm when I started having contractions. They were few and far between so I just kept on with my normal business of the day. I had a scrapbooking party to attend! At my scrapbooking party I told all my work friends "I won't be at work on Monday. I am having this baby this weekend". I think everyone thought I was just wishful thinking. I wasn't in actual ACTIVE labor yet, but all I wanted to do was power walk. Josh and I went to Bath and Body Works and I kept yelling at him to hurry up! I wasn't there to browse. I was there to run! My labor never really progressed into something I would have checked into a hospital for so we just hung out all night. It was one of those sleep on the recliner for an hour kind of nights. By Saturday morning I was still in that same slow labor... almost like ju...

So Noah has good days and bad days. Today was a good day. He wanted to pee on the potty all day... and he did! Not only that but after his bath he also pooped on the potty :O His willingness to do so can be explained as such: Noah likes method and step-by-step processes. He will only do potty training if he can go on the potty chair, get up, and empty the pot into the toilet by himself. This can get messy. He likes doing it so much that he doesn't give himself time to finish before he jumps off and empties the bowl. Today he was so excited he slid off the pot, leaving some nice streakage behind, dumped, flushed. Then he sat back down and went a little more... more nastiness. Some fell on the floor. Some got on his hands. It's difficult to reward and applaud while wiping nasty poo off of everything. I told him "You have to sit still until you're done or you get yucky poop all over, see?" followed by "but I'm so proud of you for using the potty...

I wanted to tell a few quick Noah stories. Yesterday Noah was sitting on my chair with me, drawing all over the pad of paper I have on my desk for him. We wrote his name together and then I went back to reading the debate transcript on CNN. I look over and what do I see?! Perfect A's, N's, and weird tic-tac-toe H's. He's already mastered the O so now we just have to get them in the right order. I was so shocked and proud I scanned it :) He's not even 3 yet!! The same day he impressed me also when I caught him opening band-aids again, trying to find boo-boos to put them on. I said "NOAH! Stop wasting the band-aids! Mommy needs those for when you get a real boo-boo. Why are you opening them? You're not hurt or bleeding. Why are you wasting my band-aids?". You know what he did? He shrugged his shoulders, turned his palms up and said "I don't know" clearly and brilliantly. I was so impressed I smiled and laughed so he repeated ...

We finally had a chance to escape the house today! It didn't rain at all (here) all day long so we took a few trips out to parks to explore. Noah covered himself in band aids, dressed himself, and we were off! We went out to Boerne , once again we didn't plan it. Now that I've looked at the site I think we'll have to go back for the German festivals. I'm 50% German after all, which means Noah is at least 25%... right? I think Noah would enjoy a good oompah band. There's all kinds of fun stuff coming up. Maybe I can drag some relatives along ::wink wink:: Noah made a huge deal out of every person with a fishing pole. "LOOOK, Mommy! Catch fish!! LOOK LOOOK!!! HE DID IT! LOOOOK!! FISH! CAUGHT IT!!!!"... I can't do his excitement justice I assure you. His "Look" sounds a lot more like "Luke" sometimes. He thought every piece of bait was a fish someone had caught and he wouldn't leave until he was SURE I looked at it ...

I am feeling better today. I had a decent conversation with my boo and it really cheered me up. Amazing how much effect one person has on my mood. Noah's been talking so much more lately. He repeats EVERYTHING I say and remembers it and regurgitates it later. He was singing a song from Chicken Little and dancing around earlier today and it was adorable. He's never sung before. He always tells me "NO MOMMY! NO SING! QUIET!" to which I reply "I will always sing, NOAH!" and then sing louder. It's true... I will always sing. Loud and proud and awful :) Singing releases endorphins or something. I think the louder you sing the more endorphins are released. Try it sometime. I thought I would share a couple little Noah-isms before I forget them. A spatula is called a "black hook" no matter how slowly I say it he never changes his pronunciation. He will tell me "No, Mommy. Black Hook. Make cook. Be quiet." When reading Sandra Boy...

As soon as I dropped my Dad off at the airport on Wednesday morning it started raining again. It hasn't stopped yet. Apparently it's not going to stop anytime soon either :P My grass just keeps growing and growing. Brandon and I joked that we should just douse it in diesel and light a match. It would somehow make it grow faster hahaha. Here's me and Noah after painting a little bit and my belly pic. I'm 31wks pregnant. Noah has my eyes for sure. I've been in a mellow mood. I guess it's the rain. I've been thinking a lot about the baby and the house and other things. I dream about the baby... it's a girl with a lot of dark hair, kinda like me when I was born. I don't consider it to be a sign. I have nightmares too. I dreamt no real estate agent would sell our house because it was just impossible to sell anything in our area. I dream about losing Josh in various ways. Most of them are perfectly preventable ways and therefore even more ...

My Dad came out from Ohio on the 11th to help me with some home improvement projects before selling the house. We've had an extremely busy week. We got a lot accomplished, but we still have some left over. Josh will be pleased to finish it up when he comes home. In fact I think he would prefer I let him finish things so he can feel useful again. The first item of business was our crummy old garage door. The frame was rotting and had been broken into (not while we lived in it). It was also infested with carpenter ants. The carpenter ants actually had a nest inside the door. We ripped that sucker out and sprayed the thousands of ants above the frame. Then the exterminator came and took care of everything else while we finished hanging the new door. The following day we did a whole lot of painting. The siding was delivered so we primed and painted all 11 panels and started to rip off some of the trim and a couple old panels in the back. We both agreed the most difficult pa...

I've been getting visits from various pest control guys for free estimates on our bug problem. They just keep getting cheaper and cheaper! The first 2 guys said $480 then $650. The last 2 (with 25 and 35 years of experience) said the termites I have aren't wood boring and a treatment isn't necessary so they quoted me $150. The only issue I really have is carpenter ants. Yay! I'm so glad I'm a shopper. Sometimes I'm not (like with clothes and everyday items), but most of the time I really research something before I go dive in and buy it. That's why I love the internet so much :) Now about the spiders. Noah still draws them on our dry-erase board all the time. They've been getting better and better. This one had a face and was cracking me up so I had to share. I took a video too that I'm going to upload to his online scrapbook . The video was adorable as well. Potty Training: BOOOOO! He has one great day where I can see a ray of hope and...

Noah pooped on the potty!!! :D I never thought the day would come where I would consider taking a picture of crap, but the thought actually crossed my mind today. I didn't, of course. He's eating his brownie right now... his big reward for being such a big boy :) Now we'll see if his excitement will carry on to more and more days of big boy potty usage. YAY! .... After Noah finished his brownie I made him pose in the bathroom for a quick picture. Oh! But, wait! Not only did Noah go potty on his own today... no no, much more than that... he put on his own shirt! The right way!! He can usually get his shorts on just fine, but he's been having problems with the shirts. Those pesky sleeves don't want to cooperate! His "cheese" face is just too funny. Today's theme was "I DID IT!!". I heard him say that about 500 times today. He also put his shoes on, buckled his carseat, poured his own juice without spilling (AHHHH!), fed Jellybean ...

Happy 4th of July, everyone!! We tried to make it out to a fireworks show, but we ended up watching the horizon explode as we drove around. Noah didn't mind it at all. I bought a ton of little sparky pop cheap-o stuff for him to play with. First we popped all our confetti and played with the streamers a little. Next I lit the black snakes. I tried unsuccessfully to use kitchen matches... it was quite annoying. Finally I dug up the lighter I had packed away with the candles. Noah liked smashing the snakes into piles of nasty black dust. He was COVERED in it. Thankfully I bought 2 4th of July outfits ;) Do I know my Noah or what. As soon as the snakes were done we took a break and cleaned up. That reminds me... I need to wipe all the little black hand prints off the side of the tub. Our friend Kevin came over around 6:30. He had been gone for a month so it was awesome to see him again. Noah played with sparklers while Kev and I caught up with each other. I had 72 sparkler...