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Hopefully the Army really is going to make some improvements. I would love to be able to take Noah on base and have one day out with free childcare like once a month. Their approach is help, not punishment which is great.
This is a difficult thing to admit, but I know it's true. I am guilty of neglecting Noah sometimes. There have been times I left the TV on all day and pretty much ignored him. I've snapped at him. I've yelled at him or spanked him over dumb things that would normally be cute to me. I've thought about doing much worse, but have never crossed the line and I'm thankful I've been able to restrain myself. It's scary to know how much emotion can take over good sense. I don't think I'm a bad mom. I think I've had about all I can take. I think that Noah is being deprived of the mom I can be. I'm capable of so much better. It's just too hard.
Why am I admitting this on a public blog? Because someone somewhere will read it and know they're not alone. Thankfully this is almost over. My biggest fear is that when it finally is over he'll just get deployed again. There's about a 70% chance of that happening. This is why I want to move to Arizona for the mere 6 months he'll be there. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. For now I'll just hope I don't get turned in to CPS for this blog entry.
This is a difficult thing to admit, but I know it's true. I am guilty of neglecting Noah sometimes. There have been times I left the TV on all day and pretty much ignored him. I've snapped at him. I've yelled at him or spanked him over dumb things that would normally be cute to me. I've thought about doing much worse, but have never crossed the line and I'm thankful I've been able to restrain myself. It's scary to know how much emotion can take over good sense. I don't think I'm a bad mom. I think I've had about all I can take. I think that Noah is being deprived of the mom I can be. I'm capable of so much better. It's just too hard.
Why am I admitting this on a public blog? Because someone somewhere will read it and know they're not alone. Thankfully this is almost over. My biggest fear is that when it finally is over he'll just get deployed again. There's about a 70% chance of that happening. This is why I want to move to Arizona for the mere 6 months he'll be there. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. For now I'll just hope I don't get turned in to CPS for this blog entry.
Comments
You're a great mom and you're not alone. I think all of us moms have had those burned out days where we feel like we're going to snap -- but most of us just don't admit to it.
It's HARD being at home with kids all day long! A person needs to decompress and sometimes there just is no opportunity for it - for days and weeks at a time.
You just do the best you can and know that on some days your best is better than on other days. It's normal. It's natural. And your children will see first hand that even parents are flawed creatures, broken human beings who make mistakes.
Admitting this only serves to show that you've got a better handle on it than you think. It's the people who don't admit it who go on to grievous behavior.
Hang in there, Allie! ; )
You are in a very difficult situation and I'm sure every day is a struggle.You are so much stronger than you think.Look how far you've gotten and look what a wonderful son you have raised.You are a great Mom.Being a stay at home Mom is the most difficult job out there.You don't get time out and if you don't have your husband to give you a half hour break here & there it probably feels like you have lost part of your identity.Even if you do get breaks it feels that way sometime.
Maybe someone could watch Noah for you once a week so you can have some a lone time.A nice drive with the radio always helps me too & I know you do that too :)
Remember also that you are 8 months pregnant!!I remember feeling like I really needed a break towards the end of my pregnancy.It's hard....and in your situation it's that much harder on you since you are on your own...I know things will get better.Things get easier in a lot of ways after you have your baby.I remember giving Ava a bath a few days after having Ember & thinking WOW this is a piece of cake again.Before I had Ember I was sitting on a stool to give a bath & it killed my back.I have so much sympathy for you....you will be ok,I promise!
~Brit
I'm sure my own mom snapped a few times too, but I sure don't remember it. I guess that's a good thing. Maybe Noah won't either! ;) I know I'm not a bad mom. I just know I could be better if I wasn't so stressed and it makes me a little disappointed about our situation. I think Noah's a wonderful kid and I did a good job with him. I take pride in that. He's a very special guy :)