He's Got a Gun!!

I got a special request from my sister Michelle to share a funny story from my past with the blogosphere. There are so many to choose from! I am not what you would call a "cool" person. I freak out over certain things like bugs, shadows, sounds... in very embarrassing girly ways. I am always on edge, always alert and waiting for random disasters. Most girls are I think. Having kids only magnifies the situation. Every moment alone on a wooded path or dark street is clouded with fear. Then you have kids and it seems like it's all fear all the time. So here I am, living in a constant state of fear, ready for the psychotic rapist to come crashing through my bedroom door any minute. I know my escape plan. I know my fighting tactics. I have thought this through. Maybe a little too much.

We were in San Antonio and I was waking up for work. Even at this early hour I am like a cobra, ready to strike. I saunter out of the master bedroom, heading for the kitchen when I catch a shadow at the window in my peripherals. Within milliseconds I slam my back against the only wall separating me from my assailant at the window, which happens to have 3 arches cut into it... damn! Here is the exact place.

I peek through the first arch and there he is... about 5'9", gun drawn, back to the wall... seems to be waiting for someone to walk out the front door to strike. OH MY GOD HE HAS A GUN! (I yell to myself silently in my head so as not to alert the perp). I rush back into our room and tap Josh (yes he IS home just this once haha). "Josh! I think there's a guy at the window with a gun!"... "Are you sure? I didn't hear anything" ::rolls back to sleep::.

FINE I don't need his help... I have Army training!!! Plus I really wasn't sure. I sneak back out, peek through the first arch yet again. He's still there, gun still drawn. I duck down and do a combat roll across the dining room tile to the end of the wall. Yes, a combat roll. I've got him now... he won't expect someone at the other end of the wall and at the bottom, no less. One last peek from around the corner, my face to the ground, body sprawled out along the wall. He's still in the same position. The same exact position. Hasn't moved a tiny bit. Suddenly the wind picks up and holes of light shine through where his face and arms once were. Seriously... a tree?

Thank God I'm on the floor so I have a nice rug to bury my face into. What an idiot I am. Crisis averted. "He's" lucky because I was on my way to the kitchen to get a nice big miracle blade.
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