TDY

This is our last weekend with Josh before he goes TDY for a month. I'm mad at him. I know I shouldn't be, but I am. He's just going to up and leave me here with 3 kids, a house, and a dog to take care of alone. I'm nervous and I don't want him to leave. Will I be fine? Of course. I always am... but I want to punch a wall and scream, and maybe kick a few things. Basically I want to throw a temper tantrum because I'm not getting my way. I thought I could just talk myself out of this, but then I realized I don't want to... I'm pissed. We have a lot to do this weekend before he leaves, but I have a feeling nothing is going to get done.

Every tiny thing that has ever bothered me about him is bothering me at least ten times worse than usual. Picking up his dirty clothes from all rooms of the house, for example. Or cleaning off his bed-side table since God knows he will never do it himself. Looking at the pile of clean/dirty clothes in his corner. Doing the dishes after some extravagant meal he cooked. Putting his shoes away. It all seems worse because it's bad enough I have to do this alone for a month, but he isn't helping me before he leaves... he's making it WORSE.

Does any of this matter? Of course not. I'm just mad at him for leaving... but I'm not allowed because he's been ordered to leave. I have to be the supportive "grin and bear it" Army wife. So, I guess I'll just get extra extra mad at all the things I'm allowed to be angry about. Josh I love you. I just really don't want you to go. I'm nervous. Don't hate me if I cry on you all weekend.

Why did I share this? I know a certain newlywed who's about to say goodbye to her husband for a year-long deployment. She needs to know that despite your best efforts and your reasoning, you will be mad at your husband for leaving. It might not come out that way... it will come out as some bizarre fight over walking the dog or laundry or him having the audacity to smile haha. But, that's how it works. Hopefully he'll understand and you will too.

Comments

Sheena said…
Aw heck, I thought it was just two weeks, which is bad enough. You will be fine, and you know that, and that is a lot better than being insecure on that score. Which doesn't change the fact that it's crappy that you are left with everything for a month. Nothing you can do about it, which makes it frustrating in the extreme. You have a huge bonus in that you understand yourself and the situation so well.
10/02/2009 6:26 AM
Nerdular said…
I love real posts like this. We're all human and we can't help our emotions. I wish I could come out and help you out. :/
10/02/2009 11:46 AM
Anonymous said…
You will do just fine. The routine is in place---feed the boys, get them to bed, school, go on walks, change diapers, feed the boys, get them to bed. school, go on walks---you know thee routine. GOOD LUCK. Susan left Augusta yesterday--out of the Army Air Corp and back in the Air Force at Keesler AFB. Her and Mom will set up her apt when the furniture arrives Monday. Hey take care and 30 days will fly by fast. Jim from GC
10/02/2009 11:08 PM
Britni said…
I have faith in you Allie. I know you will do great. I would feel the exact same way though to be honest. I am sure you will keep your 3 boys entertained with fun projects and outings and hopefully the time will fly by and Josh will be home in no time. What great timing for your happy guard dog to be home with you guys too :) I know I feel much more safe when Logie is home with us.
10/04/2009 9:51 PM
Unknown said…
Allie,
I love reading your stuff. You should think about trying to write professionally. The stuff you write about has so much emotion and real-ness to it.
10/07/2009 7:43 PM
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