Saying Goodbye

I knew from the beginning that I wouldn't be able to go to Trista's funeral. It's necessary to say goodbye when someone dies. That's why we even have funerals. I didn't know how I was going to say goodbye to her until today. I go on her myspace like 20 or more times a day, but I never comment or leave her a message. I think I was avoiding it. I just didn't want to admit she was gone. Finally I sent her a message. I babbled on and on to her forever, still not wanting to actually say it... all I had to do was type "goodbye, Trista" and I couldn't do it. I finally did. I don't feel better. I feel... yeah I really don't know how I feel right now. I want to take my goodbye back and pretend she just hasn't been on Myspace since Sunday. At my grandmother's funeral back in April I had the same problem. I didn't want them to close her casket... I was still saying goodbye to her. I was still holding on to her image and I just didn't want to let go. I eventually did. I needed to let go.

I'll be thinking of everyone during the funeral as you all let go of Trista and cling to each other. I wish I could be there with you.

Comments

Britni said…
I am so sorry and I do know what you mean.Saying goodbye to my Grandma was extremely hard...I kind of went into denial & my brain just wouldn't register what had happened...It was and still is so hard to think that she is gone.
I think that was a great idea to send her a message.I hope you get some closure soon.
xoxox
7/01/2007 9:50 PM
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